I’m not an expert. I don’t think anyone is, but it’s something we can all relate to. It’s something we’ve all experienced at least once in our lives. It has the power to turn any moment into a great memory, and in my opinion there would be no point in living life without it. Love is the reason we wake up in the morning and sit through hours of a lecture in order to land a job in a career that we couldn’t imagine not doing for the rest of our lives. Love is the reason we wake up to immediately call or hug and kiss the person we can’t imagine living life without. It’s the reason we wake up at all. It’s what fuels us to follow our dreams and live a life we truly enjoy living. But life isn’t always so easy, and it’s hard to keep that motivation and love for what we do when there are so many obstacles that we constantly have to face. Like some people, I had to go through a few of those hardships as a child, but there are those who are fortunate enough to not have to face any challenges until they are older. However, the fact remains that they are inevitable. We will all experience love and loss at some point in our lives, it’s just the way of the world.
When a person experiences loss, there are two ways he can react to it. He can either let the emotions of grief and despair take over and let them turn into feelings of chronic hopelessness, or he can learn from the loss and use those emotions to construct a better future for himself and everyone around him.
When we attach ourselves to the external world, and that can be anything like another person, a relationship, a physical object, a job, etc., what we are doing essentially is saying “I cannot live without this thing”. We are making this person or thing responsible for our happiness. So it’s obvious that if we lose them, better said when we lose them, we feel like our joy is being lost with it because we no longer have the thing that was making us happy. This type of loss is what brings about those emotions that lead to hopelessness, anxiety, and even depression. Losing something that we love creates resistance, and it develops an “us vs them” mentality; “I’m me and everything around me is separate”. When we choose something outside of us to make us feel happy, we are giving it the same chance to make us feel pain. Now I’m not saying we should stop loving everyone and everything so that we never feel sad again, because that wouldn’t be good either.
Think of this analogy: Instead of walking around with an empty cup constantly asking people to fill it, wouldn’t it be nice if we learned to fill our own cups? And in doing so, we could share whatever overflows out of our cup into other people’s cups. It’s the same concept with love, or any emotion really. However you feel about yourself, you will project onto all things external. The key is to stop perceiving yourself as separate from the rest. We are all collectively part of the same phenomenal system that is our universe and instead of looking so hard for love and happiness on the outside, we should look for it on the inside first.
Try dating yourself for a while. Find out what you like and what you don’t like, explore your interests and hobbies, meet people who are interested in the same things you are. And come to terms with the inevitable fact that everything will eventually come to an end. But once you get to know who you really are and develop a type of self-love that can’t be taken away, you’ll be able to truly love everything around you without expecting anything in return. That’s the kind of love that never dies. And when you do find yourself faced with these challenges like losing your job, a broken relationship, or the loss of a loved one, they will be easier to overcome. You’ll know that no matter what happens, you’ll always have something that no one can take from you. Of course, that doesn’t mean you’ll never experience loss or grief ever again because that’s just human nature, but it will be a lot easier to deal with once you’ve found true love.